Half-Baked in Your Eighties

There is a medical marijuana dispensary located next to the McDonald’s in Sun City, Arizona, home to over 40,000 retirees. What? This certainly can’t be the best place to build a huge dispensary complete with a drive-thru, can it?

Yep, they must have done a lot of research and realized that they had built a gold mine sitting there next to the Golden Arches. So many people in this area take opioids, and their doctors are recommending that they try a more natural way to deal with pain.

This store comes complete with free delivery with a small order, so seniors can kick their feet up in their old Lazy Boy recliners and wait for the good times to arrive. This store is bigger and nicer than the recreational stores in Denver. It should be. They are serving a huge group of customers who are all living with the same issues….getting old and hurting.

I had spent the afternoon after church with my mom and our friend at a Starbucks, enjoying the beautiful weather. All of a sudden our friend spots the obnoxious green building across the street and next to Mickey D’s. She gets the bright idea of using my mom’s medical marijuana card to buy some goodies for she and her daughter who is struggling with depression and anxiety. After what just happened to my ex-husband, I quickly agreed to take them across the street and help them with their purchases.

We spent 1 1/2 hours discussing what to buy to help everyone with neuropathy, trouble falling asleep, not having energy, anxiety, depression, and the general desire to feel happy. This is often the first emotion to leave an old person….thus the “grumpy old man” syndrome. There were so many choices and flavors, and a special going on! Should we buy Indicate for relaxing, or Sativa, or a Hybrid that will give us both? Grapefruit, or grape or lemon, the choices went on and on. Mom and our friend debated about what the main problem was they were trying to address…help with sleep or help with more energy. They agreed that they wanted both. A hybrid was in order.

So we drive home, all excited about our shopping expedition. We leave all the goodies on the counter and I drive my mom and two other very loud and chatty friends to a place 25 minutes away. These old chicks never go further than a mile or two, always eating in the horrible little places nearby. Yuck and double yuck. I will gladly drive them anywhere they want when I am in town. The problem was that I had popped a gummy bear that was going to be used to help with Mom’s pain in her feet. I was disappointed that it didn’t work, because an hour later, I felt the same. . I scooped up the ladies and off we went.

I dropped them at the door, parked and got out of the car. Or tried to. The world was spinning, my head hurt and I felt nauseous. I took some deep breaths and walked up to the door and started herding old ladies, at this lovely restaurant with great food, but all self-served.

I got everyone’s drinks, sat down and rode the Tilt-a-Wheel for the next two hours. Thank goodness these ladies love to gab, I needed time to sober up. I called a friend who recommended coffee and cold air. It did the trick….sort of.

I dropped off the chatter bugs and we went home….thank goodness. My step-dad wanted to try something so I set up a Hybrid vapor pen for him. Two little puffs later and he was feeling happy and high as a kite. Then my mom tried one puff, but none for me, I was still feeling the effects of that one tiny little gummy bear.

Within minutes my stepdad was speaking eloquently about world issues, then a crazy phrase would come out of left field…..”I don’t like those tables at Dave’s BBQ.” We don’t even go there..I have no idea where he came up with that observation. The second time he came up with an off-beat comment. My mom and I looked at each other and started howling…almost on the floor howling.

This went on for 4 hours. I have never laughed so much and probably never will again. I loved watching this octogenarian couple let loose and have fun. They were not in pain. They weren’t grumpy. They were just laughing their asses off.

Delightful. So glad to see them enjoying the time they have left on this earth. Here’s to MMJ, not opioids!

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