Hello friends! It’s been many months since I have written here following my divorce after 34 years of marriage. It was final within days of my wedding, wasn’t that special? I put the marriage certificate and divorce decree side by side in a cute little frame to match my decor….then shoved it in a drawer. Who wants to be reminded of that every day, right?
The next day I crawled into a big deep hole, binge watched every series on Netflix, refused to shower and act like a normal human being and went through 1,000 cases of Kleenex from Costco. I lost 25,pounds, didn’t eat anything but oatmeal and toast and couldn’t sleep at night. Divorces suck really, really bad. My life sucked. Finding a new life seemed impossible.
Did you know that there are 7 seasons of Longmire? Or 4 seasons of the Great British Baking Show? Or approximately a million series of various British detective shows? I now speak with a British accent and have been hired to assist our local police department solve murder mysteries. I now shower every day, in case you were wondering. That was a condition of my employment.
Once I exhausted watching everything on Netflix, which is a feat in itself, I thought about what exciting things I was going to do next. Binge watch Amazon Prime for months? It was just too much and I decided to slide the door to my cave open and see what sunshine looked like. Boy was I surprised! I forgot what fresh air was. I started swimming again, the grandkids started coming over to spend the night and play games, and I actually started eating regular food again, not stuff you feed to toddlers. I started to heal and gain back some of the weight. Damn! I liked looking thin for the first time in my life! Gotta take the good with the bad, right?
The summer was flying by and I was learning how to have fun again. My mom kept pushing me to “get out there” and I refused. I went to summer concerts and danced like there was no tomorrow, who needs a partner, I thought to myself. Then one day I caved in and joined E-Harmony….then Match….then Plenty of Fish. I was hooked, it was absolutely amazing to look at all these handsome men who were waiting to meet me and sweep me off my feet. As a friend said, “it’s like being a kid in a candy store.”
Well, there is a bit more to it. I wrote my profile, extolling the virtues of my grandkids and my puppies and the flowers I was growing and the kind of toilet paper I buy. For some reason there weren’t any takers! So I re-wrote it every single day until it had just the right amount of pizzaz. But what about pictures? Weren’t the ones with the grandkids good enough? Nooooo, I posed taking hundred’s of selfies for the first time in my life. In the hall, the living room, in front of a mirror, on the patio. Viola! I now had pictures and my profile was just right. Let’s conquer the dating world! I am woman, hear me roar!
So what does Donuts have to do with all this? Stay tuned…you’ll learn in my next episode. Ciao baby!